Those Wacky Duggars Are At It Again…

For those of you not familiar with the Duggar family, here’s what you need to know. Jim Bob and Michelle are a couple from Arkansas who have become famous on their reality TV show called ’19 Kids and Counting.’ Yes…they have 19 kids (who all have J names!) Their kids are the most adorable, well-behaved, non-TV-watching little ones I’ve ever seen. I should also mention that Jim Bob and Michelle have grandchildren the same age as some of their own children. I admittedly have a small obsession with being annoyed by them. 

So recently Mama Duggar was seen giving a speech to a group of women. The topic? The Seven Basic Needs of a Husband.  I couldn’t possibly resist sharing just a few of Mrs. Duggar’s nuggets of wisdom for your reading pleasure. Enjoy…and try not to vomit.

1.) A woman destroys her husband’s manliness by being financially independant. 
     Love is killed by self-sufficiency.  

Um, actually…Love is killed by husbands who have ridiculously large egos and controlling tendencies. That’s what I’ve always heard. Now listen, I am a SAHM with no personal income…but that has nothing to do with trying to boost my husband’s manliness. It has to do with choosing to raise my kids full-time. And I can assure you, if I came home tomorrow and told my husband I got a job making more money than him, NOTHING would make him happier. 

2.) A husband needs a wife who accepts him as a leader and believes in his God
     given responsibilities. Husbands are commanded to govern their wives. God works
     through a man’s decisions – good or bad.

Translation: He’s the boss. God says so. For the record…this is NOT how it happens in our house. If my husband tried to ‘govern’ me in any way he’d be voted out of office real quick. 

3.) A husband needs a wife who will continue to develop inward and outward beauty. Discover 
     and conform to your husband’s real wishes. Explain your hairstyle to others on the basis of 
     your submission to authority. 

Since she REALLY seems to know what a man needs, are we all supposed to start ‘submitting to our authority’ by doing our hair like this now? *shudder* When it comes to hairstyles there’s only one man who’s wishes I will conform to. His name is Jaxson…and he’s my hair stylist. (And I bet he would LOVE to get his hands on Michelle Duggar’s head of hair.) 

4.) Ask your husband to define your responsibilities. Ask your husband to tell you when you have
     a resistant spirit. Ask for forgiveness when you do. Dispel a backbiting tongue by silence.

Husband:  Dear, sit down. I’m about to tell you what your responsibilities are around this house because I’m not sure you’re as smart, capable or important as I am. 

Wife:  Aww…that’s great honey. Then when I feel like telling you to stick it where the sun don’t shine, please feel free to point out my resistant spirit. I promise to bite my tongue (as I plot ways to poison your dinner).  

*Note: this is not an actual conversation that has ever taken place in my house.*

5.) Expect Nothing and be genuinely grateful for each little evidence of your husband’s love. 

Seriously??? I’m supposed to expect NOTHING of my husband…and then after that I’m supposed to leap for joy if he does any little thing at all to show me he cares? Does this seem like a male-generated conspiracy  to anyone else? 

Don’t get me wrong. I  have respect for the fact that the Duggars have survived over 25 years of marriage and 19 children. That’s a real accomplishment these days. They must be doing some things right because not one of their children has been involved in a juicy scandal…YET. But  it scares me to death to think that she’s off teaching these marriage tips to people across the country. Something tells me that poor Mrs. Duggar is secretly dying to straighten that hair, put on a little black dress, and go out for drinks with the ladies while her loving husband stays home and cleans the kitchen. But then again…aren’t we all?


  1. all right, are you ready for this??? I love them. I know, I know, everyone is so against all they do, but the ONLY thing I was against in all of this, was that they went to such life saving measures with their child, and that sounds crazy, right? But, think about it, if it was God’s will that you can’t use birth control, but for some reason you can put a barely alive infant in a plastic container for 3 months???? Wasn’t God’s will that she not make it? Didn’t they go way beyond normal intervention to save her? It just seemed really contradictory to me and no one seemed to call them on it, perhaps because everyone would scoff at anything less, but it just seems odd to me and totally hypocritical….and her kids are all awesome, sweet, good children, that has to say something after 19 of them, but I agree, Yet….we shall see….I think we should be bitching about Kate plus 8 or Octomom or Kris Jenner, more than Michelle Duggar, just sayin

    • Some excellent points Grace. And I couldn’t agree more…the other moms you mentioned are SOOOO much worse! I actually refuse to watch and give my ratings to any of the three of them out of principle. Those wacky Duggars do get my viewership because I am constantly trying to figure out how she raises all those boys without ever yelling.

    • right….so your hate really originates from jealousy…i see your inner duggar love, i see it! :)) I just think that I know a ton of women are totally turned off by the whole “roles” of a wife and traditional, christian thinking, but in the end, I don’t care how somebody gets there, I care about the results and they seem loving and happy and sweet so if that works for them, I’m not one to knock it, I know everyone can’t believe that because I am the loudest,whiniest wife int he world that could never fit that mold that is fo shnizzle!

    • Anti birth control and medical intervention both air on the side of life. They aren’t that contradicting. And as for these demands on wives… It’s a scientific fact that men’s testosterone make them very egotistical, it doesn’t make them monsters, only if they take advantage. If a woman knows this and respects his needs, he will feel like the king of the world, as nature tells him to be, giving him the confidence and desire to protect and provide, it‘s instinctual. We are primitive creatures in a modern world, take all that away and woman would certainly need a lot more from men, especially when pregnant and caring for children at home, because someone has to care for them and being pregnant you wouldn‘t be hunting or defending the fort. I guess everyone with that powerhouse chip on their shoulder can call themselves evolved, but I get this baggage vibe from woman who gripe about sexual discrimination. In christianese these guidelines do not put woman beneath men. Roles are not synonymous with power, It’s an equal agreement and partnership. I’m sure Jim Bob would quote the verse about the man treating his wife like himself because she is part of his body and he would be stupid to make any part of his body unhappy. I’m not in any way religious but I have a lot of religious people in my life, including my husband, and while much of what they believe are modifications of the disturbing bible, what they preach I find fairly in line with nature, minus Jesus. I speak Christian, and can translate, it’s not about power, it’s about mutual respect. I feel cherished and safe and enabled to be powerful in my own realm, and I have a big ego to, about the ability to bring forth life and juggle whatever life throws at me. I would so have 20 kids if I had the enablement from my husband, but that’s not necessary in our time, and not good in our economy, in other words, we are middle class and don’t want to be that frugal, but sometimes the baby bug makes it feel so worth it!

  2. I thoroughly loved secretly reading this while at work today. It seriously made my day because I felt like you were right here next to me telling me all you wrote. I was having a conversation with you the whole time, but you weren’t really here…Absolutely loved it! Here were some of my highlights from the conversation I just had with myself/your blog…

    I just found my ‘Duggar’ denim jumper pregnancy book you gave me while unpacking (yes, we’re STILL unpacking)last night. Ahhh, The Duggars.

    I’m a bit stuck on #3…I don’t think Ryan has ever once said anything about my hair. I’m scared to even ask what he’d suggest as a ‘do. Maybe I’ll give it a shot- I have an appointment with Victor at noon on Saturday. I’ll probably end up with a horror story… “He PERMED me!” (name that movie).

    Also, I couldn’t help but think that Jim Bob Duggar would have been mad crushing on you before you grew your bangs out. Too bad he wasn’t missioning at Mahtomedi Middle School in the early ’90’s.

    *Per normal conversations, I only changed the subject 2-3 times and went off on 4-5 tangents.

    Thanks for the chat!

    • It’s sad that we have resorted to imaginary conversations with each other. But I’m glad you enjoyed the post. And I’m hanging my head in shame that I did in fact rock the Michelle Duggar themed ‘do back in the day. Good thing I’ve evolved…when it comes to hair management and marriage management. I propose we talk to for REAL soon!

    • Off topic, sorry, but… Are you this Tuttle Family?

      If so, my husband and I LOVE YOU GUYS!!

      If not, you are still cool, just not as good at music, probably. ^_~

  3. Oh my goodness…there ain’t no way ever that these rules would apply in my house! Now I might think my husband’s the head of the household but he sure a HECK don’t treat me like a doormat!! And don’t expect nothing ever?!!? NOT FREAKING HAPPENING!! I expect A LOT. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Happy SITS Day!!

  4. I suppose if that is how Mama Duggar likes things in her home, that is her right…But it ain’t happening over here. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Happy SITS Day!

  5. So this is the stuff that makes Christians look crazy. She takes “submissiveness” to a whole ‘nother level of existence. Ridiculous. There are so many wonderful books that talk about what the bible clearly says about marriage roles. It is one of RESPECT for both the husband and wife. This sounds just so absolutely extreme and completely unrealistic for ANY woman, nor healthy by any means!! Great post!! (Visiting from SITS!)

  6. Where to start? I agree that the Duggar family is more non-traditional than traditional currently in the United States. I try though to look at them as local evidence of what happens in other cultures. In many parts of the world other religions believe the same things and even to a more extreme extent. I wish I could support the subservient role that women are expected to take on but I don’t believe it is healthy for the woman, man, children, or society.

    So, let the lady have all the children she wants. I’m hoping someday her husband will say, I love you, go get your hair done the way you want. But, I believe that she would go and get it done the same as it is now because she will still want to please her husband in a way that shouldn’t matter to the marriage.

    PS I’m speaking from 40 years of marriage (to the same man) as of Sunday the 16th.

    Anyway, I did love the blog. It was some of the comments that were a bit off putting. Enjoy your SITS Day.

    • Wow…congratulations on 40 years of marriage! That’s a REAL accomplishment. Mama Duggar could sure use some of your wisdom. Thanks for stopping by, and Happy Anniversary!

  7. I’m glad it works for the Duggars, but it wouldn’t work at my house! ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. This scares me. Obviously she has a right to her own opinion, but It sounds like she has been brain-washed.

  9. the last one really creeps me out!! I do applaud their creativity, though – I don’t think I could have come up with 19 j-names.

  10. I’ve never seen the show……..guess I’ll read your blog instead of getting into the show. ๐Ÿ™‚

  11. The Duggars are so polarizing. No matter how you approach them.

    Congratulations on your SITS day.

  12. I feel sorry for those Duggar daughters the most. They didn’t choose this. Michelle, at least, went into this at least somewhat willingly (from what I understand her family was much more liberal than Jim Bob’s).
    This internalized misogyny of Michelle’s just makes me sad. That said, I do hope you enjoy your SITS day ๐Ÿ™‚

    • To me, the Duggar daughters seem like unpaid help in that family. I want them to move away to college and have some FUN! I often wonder who’s going to be the first Duggar to rage against that machine. Thanks for stopping by!

  13. WOW. Just, wow. I am a fan of the show and the family, but it was so hard not to wince multiple times while reading this post… I guess that’s why the Duggar family is such a well-oiled machine, no one challenges the patriarch. I think the hair one is what got me the most…

    All that being said, very interesting post!

    -Sweet Sarah

  14. Oh, the Duggar hair. (I actually had Duggar-esque hair when I was in middle school. Not that I’m proud of it.)

  15. Happy SITS day, late.

  16. I could not live with those rules and my husband wouldn’t want to either. Where’s the fun in that

  17. Anonymous says:

    Now ask yourself how many of you are truly happy in marriages where you do the “me, me, me’ all the time. I know mine is much better now that I quit my job (4 years ago)and stay at home to raise my 4 children. I know, sounds crazy, but it’s true! Who gives a rip what her hair looks like? Honestly if my husband thought I looked hot like that I would be rocking that look too! I want my husband to think that, so if that’s what makes him think it that is what I would naturally want to do. Too much women’s lib going on here- it takes more to give yourself to someone than it does to sit there and demand you get what you want all the while not giving your husband what he wants. It doesn’t work ladies- give/take, give/take- that’s what works and Michelle D. has that down! I would love to have her marriage, and even if its secretly YOU do too….

    • Actually, I quit my job as a teacher 9 years ago to stay at home and raise my kids…so I certainly didn’t come at this blog post from a women’s lib standpoint. To be completely honest, I don’t wish I had their marriage (secretly or otherwise.) I appreciate that fact that my husband respects me enough to let me be me. Not just who he wants me to be. Based on Mrs. Duggar’s talking points it seems that there isn’t much give/take in their marriage…just a lot of obeying your husband. If it works for them (and you) that’s great. All I’m saying is it would never work for me. Thanks for joining in the conversation. It’s good to hear all different perspectives.

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