My Uterus and I Are Breaking Up

uterus2

If all goes as planned, I’m only going to have two more periods. Ever. In my life. That’s because my uterus and I are breaking up. Yep. It’s official. I just scheduled my hysterectomy for mid-september.

Over the past few years my uterus has put me through hell. I’m talking heavy, irregular periods with cramps sometimes resulting in full body aches and chills. The worst part of it all has been the intense back pain! It has been so severe with ovulation and periods that I haven’t been able to go for a run, or play with my kids when I want.  Hell, I haven’t even been able to do anything but lay in bed with a heating pad some days. And let’s not even speak of  the brutal and irrational mood swings my family has had to endure. It’s a wonder Child Protective Services hasn’t started a file with my name on it by now.

In an attempt to control my symptoms I have been on every type of birth control known to man, and even spent the last 6 months completely off of birth control. But things have only gotten worse as time has passed. Clearly my uterus is desperately crying out for attention. But there’s just no pleasing this bitch.

Last fall, suspecting Endometriosis, my doctor ordered laparoscopy surgery so she could get a first hand look. But there was very little endo to be found. Seriously? You couldn’t just make things easy, could you, Uterus? For now, my doctor suspects Adenomyosis (It’s a condition that affects the inner lining of the uterus. Google it…or don’t. It’s pretty gross.)

When I think back on things, it’s not just the past few years that have been problematic. My uterus has been a total bitch for roughly 25 years. I mean, I was 12 when she blessed me with her first “gift.” Of course she had to do it while I was at the State Fair just trying to have fun and look for cute boys. The horror! I should have known my uterus was feisty from the very get go. Then there were the years you could find me any given month, doubled over with pain (and dramatic teenage flair) because of my cramps. Oh yeah, the worst was that one time when my uterus decided that my first pregnancy just wasn’t going to make it past the 9 week mark. That was miserable…and terribly sad.

So after all these years of putting up with my uterus’ bullshit, I thought I would be relieved and excited to hear my doctor say, “I think it’s time for a hysterectomy.” But oddly…I felt sort of…meloncholy. I mean, even though I’ve spent months cursing my uterus, she did spend 27+ months safely housing my three beautiful babies. She made me feel like a woman. The thought of losing her just seems so, I don’t know, final. (Jeez…codependent much?)

Not gonna lie. Having surgery is scary. I worry about the recovery process. I’m not quite sure how to let myself be out of commission for a few weeks while I heal. The ultimate test of letting go of control, right? Also, any chance a uterus weighs 10 pounds? I’d REALLY love to finally make my Weight Watchers goal when they take her out.  But my biggest worry of all is that I’ll discover maybe it wasn’t PMS…maybe I’m just a raging bitch, with AND without a uterus. It’s a very real possibility. Wish me luck, you guys. I’m going to need it.

Comments

  1. I hope the surgery goes well. I can understand the conflicted emotions. I hate lots of aspects of my cycle, but then again, I wouldn’t be a mom without those cycles. Talk about a love-hate relationship!
    Rabia @TheLiebers recently posted…#TuesdayTen: My Favorite Apps {Linkup}My Profile

    • It’s not just love-hate…it’s totally codependent! Time to break the cycle I guess. Hey! That was a little play on words. Get it? 🙂 Thanks, Rabia!

  2. Cathi Hogan says:

    So glad you gave credit to that same uterus that tortures you, for also blessing you by “housing your precious offspring for 27+ months. You couldn’t have done it without her. I’m pretty sure you’ll have no regrets for the “break up” once it’s over. She needs to realize that she’ll be nothing without you……hey, have you ever thought that perhaps your uterus is a “He”? That may explain the entire life long battle.

    Good Luck Re! You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers. Love you, with or without all your parts.

    • Well it took me forever to reply to this…maybe because I’ve been pondering if my uterus might actually be a HE! Makes since since it’s been nothing but a pain in the ass. Either way, the eviction notice has been served. Thanks for your never-ending support dearest aunt Cathi!

  3. Leah Springborn says:

    Marie – My uterus & I “broke up” about 3 yrs ago & I couldn’t be happier. My healing time was not bad at all. I spent 2 weeks with my Mom & Dad & then the rest of the time at my own house. To me, the hardest part was not pushing it!!! I was told by others that after 5 weeks I will have more stamina. I didn’t believe them. Big mistake! I pooped myself out because I felt fine & then paid for it the next day. The weird part was all the things that I wanted to do. Anybody who knows me will tell you that I hate to vacuum, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it!! It was horrible. My own little nightmare!! Here is hoping that you have a quick and uneventful recovery!!! Take care of yourself!!!

  4. Well I have managed to keep my uterus, but last year I ‘broke up’ with one of my ovaries, and snipped what was left of the fallopian tubes too. I do not regret this decision at all, but there were times that it was rough. There is a part of you that defines womanhood by all those parts, and when they are missing or no longer working you feel a little ‘lost’ for awhile.
    But in the end it will probably be a great thing for you and hopefully the recovery will go smoothly. 🙂 Wishing you the best of luck!
    Samantha recently posted…A Trip to Downtown MinotMy Profile

    • Thank you so much Samantha. It is a little weird to think about losing such an important part of your “womanhood.” But I will gladly give that up so I can finally be feeling better.

  5. Here’s hoping it’s all that bitches fault! 😉 Good luck!

  6. Thank you for posting this. Our journeys seem to be near the same path. My love to hate relationship has been since age 11 and I’m planning on ending it next month.

  7. My hysterectomy is rapidly approaching. We have similar stories. Reading this made me cry and laugh. Mostly I appreciate I am not the only one who has had all these thoughts. Thanks for your words. I am ready to move on from this stage of my life… My uterus and I have definitely had a love-hate relationship. Time to end it.

    • Bri!!! I promise it will be the best thing you’ve ever done for yourself. Best of luck to you on your surgery. Give yourself plenty of time to rest and recover and you won’t believe how much better you’ll feel. Keep me posted. Hugs!

  8. Your post hit home, and made me giggle. I had adenomyosis, and fibroids. I found out yesterday that the big one weighed 1.4275 POUNDS. Just the fibroid. Just ONE fibroid. I had a hysterectomy on July 7…9 days ago. My uterus was a bitch too and I’m so happy to have evicted her. I didn’t feel sad about it either…yes, thanks for the babies, but your job here is done. Anyway, it was nice to see someone else who knows what adenomyosis is and I am glad we are both pain free. Thanks for this post!

    • Valerie…I promise it’ll be the best thing you’ve ever done! I’m 10 months out and I’m a new person now. Good luck on your recovery, and thanks for reading!

  9. Thanks for your blog. It gave me much hope. I am scared to death of surgical menopause but this crazy POS organ and the twins have got to go!!!!

  10. Hi! I’m 31 with a 2 year old and 3 month old. I just been diagnosed with what you had! I’ve suffered my whole life with horrible cramps. I was given the choice today to have a hysterectomy (uterus only) and I don’t want to make the wrong decision. Any downside to doing it?

  11. I fired mine 13 years ago. Never regretted or missed it.

  12. I have been diagnosed with Adenomyosis too, and found out yesterday that I will be separating from my inner bitch next month. Scared and relieved all at the same time.

Trackbacks

  1. […] Originally posted at Marie’s blog. […]

  2. […] was a long road  leading up to my decision to have a hysterectomy. You can read about my  journey here. Now that I’m two months out from surgery, it feels like that was a lifetime ago. It feels […]

Speak Your Mind

*

CommentLuv badge